• Paula


Dear PF (pelvic floor)

Hope you’re well. I wasn’t sure if you had been around that much of late and I miss you dearly (mainly because of several incidents in the gym where I have pissed myself during a speed running work out). I mean where the f*ck have you been?

I was thinking we should properly catch up. Maybe a coffee, piece of cake? Things between us have been a bit distant and I’d like to understand if it’s something I’ve done - or maybe not done to pee you off?

Look we need just to get this out in the open and should address my purchase of the Elvie. I know you weren’t that keen on trying it but it really was bought for you and your welfare - you know that exercise is great for you. It was slightly awkward that you couldn’t keep hold of it for longer than six seconds but I really was willing to persevere. You didn’t even give it a chance.

Maybe the whole Elvie app wasn’t for us. Even I felt bad for you when we had to do that squeeze release exercise and neither of us had realised that the b*stard thing had fallen out. But I do think we need to try again. A bit harder.

Look, I know you helped me spit out a couple of nine pounders and for that I‘m super grateful, you did a great job - team work makes the dreamwork for sure. But how come you could hold on to two baby whales for 9 months and now you can't even be arsed to hold on to the cup of coffee I've just drank when I'm in a one hour meeting?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable. If you really hate the Elvie we could try something else like the Kegel Vaginal Cones but size wise, they don't do 'traffic'... just saying.

I think we need to try a bit harder, I promise it will be worth your while.

Miss you,

Paula x



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