• Paula


There are numerous things I LOVE about being female - I wouldn't want to be a man for all the tea in China - and we are so differently wired for sure. But being female also has its downsides. This week, an article in The Telegraph really wound me up and it's one thing about being a woman that I don't like....

The writer talks of how she's lost friends (two in total) due to talking about her about much she and her husband have sex. Apparently one single girlfriend thought she was 'rubbing her face in it' by mentioning that things between her and her partner where blissfully happy in the bedroom area during a gossipy catch up where said friend had enquired about her marriage. Is she supposed to lie? 'Oh yeah I love him to death but he's crap in the sack' - just to make someone who isn't happy in the bedroom feel better?

For as long as I can remember, for a select group of girlfriends, I've always been happy to share the ins and outs, ups and downs (sorry...) of my sex life and I think it's not only how women bond but also how we learn from each other - you don't know it all! I've learnt the hard way in the past of sharing things with the wrong people of course - the green eyed monster creeping it's way in to friendships and smashing them to pieces...

We all know that after the first two years of incessant bonking, all relationships will go stale in the boudoir unless you make the effort, but try being with someone for over 25 years - now that my friends takes serious work and imagination.

It's discussing and sharing tips with your girlfriends on how to spice things up, that can end up saving a marriage that might otherwise go down the pan. On a recent weekend away with some really close girlfriends, we really opened up about what our current sex lives where like (we are all 48 and in relationships) and some where having more success than others - but that only lead to more questions to understand where everyone else was going wrong so we could replicate - not jealousy!

My husband and I recently had the frankest of conversations - by the way this was like pulling teeth at first such was his reluctance to accept there was an issue but we perceived and got there - and we discovered that although we were happy together still, we were in such a routine that we didn't really see each other anymore. And part of that was our past bedroom olympics of our youth was quickly turning into a scene from Groundhog Day....

So how do you keep that spark? Here are my top tips from recent and positive experience with my partner of 31 years;

  • Touch as much as you can - an arm brush, a quick kiss... I could go days without touching my husband just because we both run around all day and when we get home, other stuff takes over. Make the effort.

  • Even if you don't fancy sex, sometimes just initiating it can get you in the mood, especially if you are peri/menopausal. Start to reconnect by kissing like a 16 year old.

  • Talk. Talk. And talk some more. Complacency in any relationship leads to boredom.

  • Sex is an important part of connecting to your partner but if you're feeling like your libido has taken a holiday (I did!) then get your hormones checked. HRT sorted mine, but it could be you also need a small dose of testosterone.

  • Having an orgasm is a great work out for your lady bits especially in your 40's and 50's - USE IT OR LOSE IT!

  • Throw away the PJ's. I replaced my nightwear with things that made me feel feminine as opposed to someone that is normally covered in dog hair by 9pm every night. It made a big difference to how I felt.

Good Luck FF's....



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