• Paula


Remember that great, great aunt you had as a kid? I remember mine. She was little with snowy white hair, softly spoken, slightly rounded shoulders and had a huge tache.

Since hitting my 40‘s, the occasional rogue hair that used to appear on my chin in my 30’s, has a pal or three. Scrap that. It’s now a frickin colony and these tricky little b*stardos settle in quicker than squatter in Brighton!

My morning makeup routine in my 30’s used to be as follows;

  • cleanse, tone, moisturise

  • foundation and blush or bronzer

  • neutral eye shadow, flick of eye liner

  • do hair before curling eye lashes and adding mascara

  • finish slurp of coffee before adding lip gloss

Five to ten minutes tops.

Picture used with kind permission of the rather lovely and talented Jane Cunningham - aka the infamous @britbeautyblog - giving herself a Sunday night tweeze... Photo by @labelsforlunch... check them both out!

And now?

  • cleanse, acid tone, serum, eye cream, moisturiser - consider adding spot gel on something suspiciously red - squeeze blackhead that has arrived overnight

  • ponder adding sun cream for three minutes before deciding not to

  • stand in best light possible with magnifying mirror and stare/squint at chin, upper lip and brows for 5 minutes to survey damage and new growth

  • push chin upwards whilst using self taught Braille skills to feel for anything spikey - find 3 new sprouts and tug to remove with tweezers, feeling accomplished

  • foundation and bronzer and blush and cheek hi lighter strobe - more is more

  • neutral eye shadow

  • take magnifying mirror in to bathroom as it has bigger window and stand on the toilet so as to get nearer the light source

  • check tache area in case anything has grown since adding foundation

  • change tweezers for sharper pair

  • decide bathroom ceiling needs painting - get phone and send self reminder

  • flick of eye liner

  • examine flick of eye liner in magnifying mirror and realise how shit it is and start again whilst contemplating permanent make up tattoo

  • do hair

  • change parting four times as magnifying mirror says roots need doing and white pubes are now sprouting in my fringe

  • find powder root colour dust and add with gusto

  • curl eye lashes with industrial strength curler and debate setting with hair spray

  • find phone again and send reminder to self to book eye lash lift (curling my lashes is like lifting a garage door!)

  • Add water proof, bomb proof, run proof, sweat proof mascara

  • make another coffee

  • drink coffee whilst rechecking chin and find a white hair I hadn’t seen that wouldn’t go amiss on Gandalf

  • add lip gloss

And I wonder why I’m shattered? Are you a plucker, a waxer or a bleacher?



117 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All