• Paula


The arrival of peri menopausal symptoms usually means the departure of your libido. Ahhh she's a mysterious creature is Mrs Libido. She's seen the signs coming and she's upped sticks to pastures new, suitcase in hand, faster than Hilary Clinton deleting an email...

Our libido is designed to ebb and flow as we mature. We can't all remain like rampant rabbits forever (excuse the likeness to a famous brand dildo but every girl should own one). But perimenopause, that potential 10 year gallop towards a time where your periods stop, can bring with it other challenges in the bedroom department.

1. Vaginal Atrophy - a wonderful condition where your vaginal walls dry and thin due to decreasing oestrogen. It brings to mind that heartwarming phrase ‘dryer than a nuns chuff’ ..... There are treatments, lubes and gels to help so don’t suffer in silence otherwise sex is really painful and can cause repeat urine infections. Peachy.

2. Zero libido - as our hormones drop in perimenopause, the combination of a drop in testosterone and oestrogen means our sex drive basically packs it’s bags and leaves for the hills taking those crotchless knickers and Mr Rabbit. HRT can help especially combining it with the Mirena coil. You can also get testosterone prescribed by private menopause specialist and a lot of NHS GP’s will then re-prescribe it for you. At the moment the NHS won’t prescribe the hormone for women unlike other countries. Testosterone will not make you grow a full beard and start leaving your socks on the bedroom floor whilst scratching your t*ts and burping.

3. Tiredness/Fatigue - perimenopause makes you tired. Knackered. Exhausted. You don’t sleep, insomnia is an issue and very symptomatic with the whole process for a lot of women . So when you get in to sack at night, the last thing you want is your other half pawing at you. Whilst an orgasm sounds nice, you basically can’t be arsed.

4. Poor self image/weight gain - we all stick on a few pounds as we age, its normal but for some women, the drop in metabolism, coupled with tiredness (defo no desire to exercise), and the extreme comfort of cake and wine (preferably together whilst watching Netflix) means that they can put on a stone in a day (exaggerated but we are women, I’m going for full effect here). Basically, you might start to dislike your body a bit so stripping off and having some sexy time with your partner isn't up there with 'Shall we watch Love Actually whilst mainlining Pringles' type of night.

So. How does it come back? Does it come back? Has your libido fecked off forever? Short answer is yes, it does come back but it's not just about taking a tablet (unless it's some sort of female Viagra and as far as I know, that doesn't exist!). As us ladies know, feeling sexy come firstly from upstairs - your brain, feelings, mood - however you want to describe it. These top 5 tips might help;

1 - Taking hormones like HRT, can firstly help your mood improve and switch back on that sexy gene. Speak to your doctor and consider a blood test to check your testosterone levels.

2 - Help yourself by being thoughtful to your own needs. Are you working too hard, sleeping enough etc? If not, then how do you expect to feel like having sex at the end of the day when all you want is wine and the pillow for company.

3 - TALK. Sounds simple but have you told your partner how you're feeling? Have you talked about what you want in bed? Be selfish. At this time in your life, if you dont use, you'll lose it - when was the last time you had an orgasm?

4 - Start again and rewind the clock if you can to when you're relationship was new. It helped my relationship by going back to basics. Whether that be date nights, talking more, hiding phones in the evening and actually discussing sex.

5 - Change up your bedroom routine. I stopped wearing slouchy PJ's and opted for more pretty bedtime attire - I'm not saying get the nipple tassels out (unless you fancy that) but wearing more flattering underwear to bed, got me more in the mood that my baggy sweat pants with the hole in the thigh that slightly smell of dog. Funny that. Spritz that perfume!

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